Daddy's little girl

So let me say this as clearly as I can: You, Dad, are the most powerful man in the world…at least in their world. Your children are looking to you to answer the deepest question of their lives. How you handle their hearts will shape them for the rest of their lives. Never forget that no one is as powerful as you are in the lives of your sons and daughters.

Please note that I am not saying mom is unimportant. Not at all. Mother teaches us unconditional love, and she teaches about mercy. She is a comforter. When boys or girls want to do something adventurous, they don’t ask Mom, they ask Dad. but when they skin their knees or cut their fingers, when they get their feelings hurt, who do they run to? Mom, of course. Even wounded soldiers on the battlefield are known to cry out for their mothers in their last moments. Mother is love and tenderness and mercy. She is the picture of the heart of God.

But identity–especially gender identity– is bestowed by the father. A boy learns if he is a man, if he has what it takes, from his dad. A girl learns if she is worth pursuing, if she is lovely, from her dad. That’s just the way God set this whole thing up. This is the power given to you. — from the book You Have What It Takes by John Eldredge

I have seen so many men who have been emasculated, who do not know their worth, who live their lives aimlessly,  who do not have a sense of purpose, who cannot stand up for themselves, who are insecure and wounded. And the repercussion of this is alarming. These men who have not been “fathered”, who have been wounded end up wounding their own children as well. And the cycle continues.

I have seen women too who do not know that they are beautiful and worth fighting for. This has to be validated by their fathers. If not, they go and try to find it elsewhere. And this results to destructive relationships and settling for whatever kind of assurance and admiration they can get from men. Or you may be trying to perform all your life thinking that success and achievements can give yourself the worth that you have been looking for. And regardless of how we try to “beautify” ourselves, it seems never to be enough, because our identity was never validated.

So I am pleading to you dads, do not take your role lightly. Yes, your role is much much more than just providing. Your children are in need of validation. They need to know their worth. They need to hear you say what they need to hear. They need you.

And for the children (like me, like all of us):

- I do not know what you have gone through or what situation you are in. You may have an abusive father, a physically absent father or you may have a passive father. There may be some who have not even met or seen their fathers. And this wounded you beyond measure. I am encouraging you to do this: forgive them. They too may have been hurt and not validated by their own imperfect father. Forgiving them does not make them right. But this is what forgiving them does…, it sets you free. And it can be a start of having a restored and healthy relationship with your father. And it will make us better parents too to our own children.

-Here is a fact: No one has a perfect father. There are good, even great ones, but there is no perfect earthly father. We do have though, a perfect and loving Heavenly Father. And we can look to Him to father us and to validate us and to give us our identity. He will tell you what you wanted to hear. For the boys/men, that you are a man, that you have what it takes. And to the girls/women, that you are beautiful and that you are worth fighting for.

And He loves us so much that He sent His Son to save us, to restore and heal us, and through Him, we can experience life in all its fullness. And all you need to do is accept His love and let this love change you and complete you. And trust me, your life will never be the same again.

Psalm 18:35 You give me a shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.

Psalm 45:10-11, 13 Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father’s house. The king (our Heavenly Father) is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord…. All glorious is the princess.

JA and Andi swimming

Ice cream time!

Must Read Books by John Eldredge: (Pardon the unorganized posting of the pics. It is my first time to upload pics without my husband’s help. Whew! :-))

For men: Wild at Heart

For women: Captivating (by John and Stasi Eldredge)